So it has been a long while since I have written, which probably means I am not really a “blogger” but more of an individual who posts public diary writings for random folks to read at their leisure. I am starting to create time and space for my writing to once again take a priority as it is something I enjoy! So if you follow me, be on the look out for some posts to come!
Today, I had an overwehleming stream of emotions as I sat and thought about the journey I have been on over the last year. It was simply the hardest, best, crazy, emotional journey I have been on.
- Quit my job
- Got a New Job
- Bought a House
- Got laid off
- Started a business
- Got a dog
- Gave the dog away because of the new business
- Cried a lot becuase that little pup opened up my heart
- Had a few dates that were great but nothing past that
- Had a few dates that ended with me blocking their number LOL!
- Stepped out of my comfort zone numerous times
- Started a new temporary job that has been wonderful
- Had some answered prayers
- Had some unanswered prayers which I am thankful for
- Had some friends walk away
- Had some old friends walk back in to my life
- Made new friends
- I’m sure made a few enemies
- Was disappointed
- Was overjoyed…and so much more
Through it all God never let me down, never lacked for anything, have been overwhelmed at all that God has done and has continued to do. He has opened doors and closed doors and I am thankful for it all.
I am excited to see all that is going to happen over the next few months!!
So let’s keep this journey going!! Looking forward to writing again and seeing where it leads…
Until next time…
Hebrews 6:13-18, “13 When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself…16 People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said…17 Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised… 18 it is impossible for God to lie.”
When God made his promise to Abraham, he backed it to the hilt, putting his own reputation on the line. When people make promises, they guarantee them by appeal to some authority above them so that if there is any question that they’ll make good on the promise, the authority will back them up. When God wanted to guarantee his promises, he gave his word, a rock-solid guarantee-God can’t break his word.
So regardless of what “people” say, know that God is the author and the finisher, the beginning and the end. He is faithful to complete, finish, bring to fulfillment his promises. His hand is not too short to turn it all around.
Don’t limit God to your own ability to understand and reason. Allow God out of the box and watch him fulfill his WORD!!
“Be still and know that I am God.” Thats a scripture sounds so nice and lovely when things in life are going along smoothly without too many bumps in the road. That scripture can be like nails on a chalkboard when things happen that we are not ready for. By nature, I am a doer and a fixer. If there is a problem, I am going to find a way to make things happen. My
“Time heals all wounds” is something that is said with not much thought given for those that have experienced a great loss.
Grief comes in all sorts of ways. We may not recognize it as grief, but as agony, heartache, discomfort, gloom, misery, etc. The dictionary defines grief as a “
At some point in life, we will lose someone close to us that will cause immense grief. We go through the rituals of a funeral and a burial, to help with the grief process. We lay to rest the one that meant so much, but what about having to lay down something that is very much alive?
What do we do when there is a loss, but no death? What do we do when we have no say in the matter? What do we do when there is no ritual, no funeral, no burial, no body?
In a conversation with someone recently, I told them that one of the hardest things I have had to do is “grieve the living.” To sit and watch from the other side as the person or the situation goes on without you, as if you were never a part.
I am not saying that one type of grief is worse than the other. Grief is Grief. Loss is loss. I personally have experienced situations in my life where I had things and people stripped from life when it wasn’t my choice. There have also been times that God himself said, “No, Tarina!” I of course would give the, “But God” speech. I didn’t want to let it go, I had no desire to walk away, but when God says, “No!”, it’s NO!
I have learned that God is faithful through it all. There is always a reason regardless if we see it or not. In the midst of grieving we must increase the ability of trusting in Him.
I still do not understand the why, but I do know that I survived, learned, grew and have learned to trust God in a fresh new way!
So today regardless of the circumstance, the pain, the disappointment CHOOSE to TRUST GOD!!
As I left the office today to grab a quick bite, I thought to myself, “Chick-fil-A will due, since it’s right around the corner.” I pulled up in the car line to place my order. The nice young lady came to my window to take my order. I order my nuggets and drink and just out of pure hope and faith asked, “You don’t have any cookies today do you?” With a big grin on her face, she said, “YES!! Yes we do.” Those were the BEST words I have heard ALL DAY!
I ordered the 1/2 dozen bag. She replied with, “Will that be all? We are not sure how long we will have the cookies.” I of course replied, “Well, you better give me two bags.”
So as she gave me the total and and I went to hand her my card, I realized I left my wallet at my office!! WHAT??? So I have to cancel the order, drive out of the line, but before I take off I yelled, “Make sure you DON’T SELL ALL THE COOKIES.”
I quickly returned to the store with my wallet in hand. I placed my order yet again, only this time through the speaker. I placed my order and when I ordered the cookies I hear, “Just one moment…” So many thoughts racing through my mind, “could it possibly be they sold out in just a few minutes. Please, Lord let them have the cookies.” What seemed liked an eternity was interrupted with, “OK your total will be…” YES!!! Success…
I pull to the window to pay for my order and there I am greeted with another nice young lady who said, “Ma’am, We only have two cookies available at the moment….but we are baking some more right now. If you don’t mind waiting we will bring them to you just as soon as they are done.” Do I mind waiting?? UH..NO!!! So I pull to the side and wait, and wait and wait, to have this nice young lady come to my car and give me an update. It was like waiting for a baby to be born and the nurse comes out and says, “It’s here, we just need to get it all ready to wrap up.”
The next thing I know I have my cookies hand delivered by the one and only Alexandria A.K.A. “DeeDee” Not only did she bring me warm delicious cookies, she also brought me some money. When I asked her why she replied, “Here is a refund for some of the cookies you purchased, It’s customary since you had to wait so long.”
So not only did I get to share the goodness of the Chick-fil-A chocolate chip cookie, I was rewarded for my patience!!!
I have shared the goodness with my fellow co-workers and you helped with bringing a little joy to their faces today!!
The Cookie Connoisseur
Having been a loyal customer for forever..(How can I not be when you have an establishment less than 2 miles from our office). I appreciate your prompt service, friendly smiles, clean restrooms, family fun atmosphere, even the continuous “My pleasure” said over and over again. (Honestly, sometimes I say Thank you after every item that is handed to me, just to see if I can get the nice employee behind the counter to give in just once and not say “My Pleasure.” It’s almost impossible..just a side note), and of course I appreciate the obvious, your delicious chicken.
However, Chick-fil-A, you did it again today. I am not sure how long this emotional roller coaster can continue. One day we have delicious, warm, melt in your mouth and all over your hand chocolate chip cookies..and then the next..NOTHING!! I mean zero, zilch, no cookies city wide, so says the sweet employee that got to experience my great disappointment with this news, yet again. I was just trying to buy cookies for some of my co-workers to show how much I appreciate them.
I understand that you were being an upstanding company and fixing the potential hazard of a peanut allergy induced epidemic. Although I am sure the pharmaceutical companies would be thrilled that their Epipen stock was flying off the shelves. I understand that you have to protect the community, uphold your moral values, and stay out of the courtroom for those lawsuits that would coming from every direction. Again I am sure the the process servers would love the fees that they would receive for serving those court summons, not to mention the lawyers.
I am not disappointed in you as a company, (my parents always taught me to talk about the behavior not the person) I am however very saddened that I have to wait for an unforeseen time (according to your website, at least til the end of the month, but we will see about that) before I can go anytime night or day, except for Sunday’s of course (may I add that I applaud you for sticking to your values and giving the family a day to be together, but we know it’s really to acknowledge that people like to go to church on Sunday and they can’t if they have to work) to get this one simple item.
So with all this being said. Thank you for all you do and continue to do to bring the family together. BUT PLEASE see what you can do about getting your manufacturer to speed up this process. I have had to resort to buying BIG BUCKS cookies from that other place that serves over priced coffee.
The Cookie Connoisseur
My balanced diet is not so balanced without the cookie!
You have seen it or experienced it yourself I am sure. A parent walking with a child in a crowed room or street, hand in hand. The child begs to go this way or that way, but the parent keeps them going to their final destination. The child is trying to keep pace and trips. This is where the parent instinctively does the one arm pull up, the child barely misses the ground, they are now flying in the air by one arm as the parent helps them get their footing just a few steps away. They continue walking, while the mom or dad is saying something like, “Sweetie you have to be careful, that is why mommy holds your hand, to help protect you.”
This is the same for us in the journey with God. We are on this journey with him. He has his in his grasp not to keep us from experiencing the fun and exciting things, but to walk with us to experience it all, and if and when we stumble, he is there to keep us from falling harder than we would have. His hand never lets go of ours,
This journey is going to be tough full of twists, turns, hills and valleys, but one thing remains constant is that if we let him, God will hold our hand the entire way. He will never let go and we never have to. When we struggle, trip, lose our footing, he is there to pick us up just as a parent would, dust us off and keep us moving.
Don’t allow the past failures, disappointments, discouragements to keep you from staying in his grasp. His presence is the one thing we need the most, and the one thing that is always there!
Vulnerability is a word that many of us like to avoid. For some, even the thought of being vulnerable causes their body to tense up and their adrenaline to rush. The thing about vulnerability is that it causes us to expose our insecurity, as well as allowing the priceless things of our heart and soul to be an open season for scrutiny with no assurance of the outcome.
Beyond contrary belief, being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. It shows we are willing to not go about life on our own. Ever notice someone who is really guarded? They never let anyone in? They keep everyone at a distance? They appear to have a lot of friends, but really they have no real close friends at all. A guarded life is a lonely life. From the outside looking in people think we have it all together. We dress the part, we say the right words, but on the inside we are longing to muster the strength and courage it will take to let the walls down, all the while knowing there is no guarantee that we will not get hurt, used or abused.
Letting someone in to see the most tender parts of our life is not to be taken lightly. When we allow the wrong people with impure motives into the vulnerable places we allow those tender parts to become calloused, and the wall of fear to be built a little higher and thicker.
What about vulnerability as a leader? As a leader, the thought of vulnerability can be torture. It causes us to allow people to take us off the high ground we claim we are not on. We would never want them to think we still struggle. After all the struggles of a leaders life are supposed to be in the past. There is something freeing about being able to let down the guard and allow people to see us for who we really are, warts and all.
Vulnerability also allows our insecurities to become an open season for God to break down the barriers we have so meticulously placed. Vulnerability is not always about th fears or insecurities, but it can be about the passions and dreams we have. Yet fear keeps us from accomplishing those things because we don’t know what others will think.
From personal experience, allowing the walls to come down and the tender parts of my heart to be exposed was not easy but it was necessary. It was necessary for me to move forward. It was necessary for me to begin to allow people to see who I really was, not who everyone thought I was. I believe that the one thing that allowed me to begin the process of letting down the walls was when those that lead me shared their struggles. They didn’t pretend to have it all together. They didn’t wear the mask of ministry and expectations. They were real. They gave me permission to be vulnerable when they themselves were vulnerable.
What areas vulnerable areas have you placed behind the wall of fear? Take a chance and let the guard down. Don’t life a lonely life because of one bad relationship. Don’t live in fear because of a failed marriage. Don’t allow the enemy to keep you trapped because of what other’s might say. Allow God to take the tender parts beautiful or ugly and use them for His Glory! Vulnerability is dangerous. It just might allow others to walk in freedom!